How to Be Optimistic

Recognize the good and bad in your life and examine how you’ve been affected by each. Optimism doesn’t mean you have to feel “happy” all the time. In fact, trying to force feelings of happiness during potentially traumatic experiences can be unhealthy.^[4] Instead, attune yourself to the full range of emotions in your life, accepting that the negative as well as positive feelings are a natural part of human experience. Trying to repress a certain type of emotion can cause severe emotional distress.^[5] Not focusing more on one type of emotion than the other can actually help you become more adaptive and proactive in future unexpected situations.^[6] This will increase your ability to be optimistic and resilient in the face of uncertainty.^[7]

• Negative feelings can become a conditioned habit over time. Avoid blaming yourself for negative emotions and associations. Blame is unhelpful because it doesn’t look forward to how you can grow; it looks backward at what has already happened.^[8]
• Instead, focus on being mindful of when these negative emotions occur. A journal could help you do this. Write down when you experience negative feelings or thoughts, then examine their contexts and explore alternative ways of responding to them.^[9]
• For example, imagine that someone cuts you off in traffic. You respond by feeling angry, honking your horn, and perhaps yelling at the driver even though s/he can’t hear you. You could write in your journal what happened, how it made you feel, and what your immediate response was. Don’t judge yourself as “right” or “wrong,” just write down what happened.^[10]
• Next, take a step back and think about what you’ve written. Was your response in accordance with your values and the type of person you want to be? If not, what could you have done differently? What do you think you were really responding to? For example, perhaps you weren’t really angry at the driver; maybe you had a stressful day and allowed your stress to explode on that one person.
• Look forward when you write these entries. Don’t use them just as a place to wallow in negative feelings. Think about what you can learn from the experience. What can you use to grow as a person? Can you use this experience to inform other experiences? If you encounter a similar situation next time, how might you respond in a way that is in line with your values? For example, perhaps realizing that you responded with anger because of your stressful day could help you realize that everyone makes mistakes and encourage you to feel more empathetic with other people the next time someone shows anger toward you. Having a pre-existing idea of how you want to respond to negative situations can also help you in the tough moments.^[11]

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a key component of optimism because it encourages you to focus on acknowledging your emotions in the moment without judging them.^[12] Often, negative reactions arise when we try to struggle against our feelings, or when we allow ourselves to become so blinded by our emotions that we forget that we can control how we respond to them.^[13] Focusing on your breathing, accepting your body and your feelings, and learning from your emotions rather than denying them can help you become comfortable with yourself, which is important when those negative emotions arise.^[14]

• Mindfulness meditation has been shown by many studies to help with feelings of anxiety and depression.^[15] It can actually reprogram the way your body responds to stress.
• Look for mindfulness meditation classes in your community. You can also find guided meditations online, such as at the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center^[16] or BuddhaNet^[17] . (And of course, there are several great tutorials on Wikihow.)
• You don’t have to commit a huge amount of time to meditation to see its effects. Just a few minutes a day can help you become more aware and accepting of your emotions.^[18]

Identify whether your inner monologue is an optimist or a pessimist. Our inner monologue is a great indicator of whether we naturally take a positive or negative outlook on life. Pay attention to your inner monologue over the course of a day and see if any of the following forms of negative self-talk (that is, your inner monologue) are appearing regularly: ^[19]

• It can help to keep a “thought log” throughout the day. Write down any negative thoughts you have, then come up with something more positive you can focus on instead.^[20]
• Magnifying the negative aspects of a situation and filtering out all of the positive ones.
• Automatically blaming yourself for any negative situation or event.
• Anticipating the worst in any given situation. The drive-through coffee shop gets your order wrong and you automatically think that the rest of your day will be a disaster. ^[21]
• You see things only as good or bad (also known as polarization). In your eyes, there is no middle ground.

Look for the positives in your life. It’s important to re-orient your inner monologue to focus on the positive aspects of both you as an individual and the world around you. Although positive thinking is only one of the steps towards becoming a true optimist, the effects of positive thinking for both your body and mind can be significant, such as: ^[22]

• Increased life span
• Lower rates of depression
• Lower levels of distress
• Improved immune system
• Better psychological and physical well-being
• Reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease
• Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress

Remember that true optimism is different from blind optimism. Blind optimism occurs when an individual believes that nothing bad can happen. This can lead overconfidence and naivety, and it can lead to disappointment or even danger.^[23] True optimism doesn’t just ignore challenges or pretend that negative feelings and experiences don’t exist. It acknowledges those challenges and then says, “I can work through those!”

• For example, deciding to go skydiving without ever taking a lesson or reading up on the subject because “it’ll all work out” is an example of blind (and dangerous!) optimism. It isn’t realistic, and it doesn’t acknowledge that you have to work to overcome obstacles. A decision like this could put you in real danger.
• A true optimist would look at skydiving and recognize that it’s a complex sport that requires a lot of training and safety precautions. Rather than getting discouraged by the amount of work required, an optimist would set a goal (“learn to skydive”) and then begin working toward it, confident that s/he can achieve it.

Write yourself daily positive affirmations. Writing down short statements can help us believe in the potential of an action we want to accomplish. Jot down a few affirmations that remind you of what you’re trying to change about the way you see the world. Put them in places where you’ll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, on your computer, and even taped to your shower wall. Examples of positive affirmations can be:^[24]

• “Anything is possible.”
• “My circumstances do not create me, I create my circumstances.”
• “The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life.”
• “I always have a choice.”

Avoid comparing yourself to others. It’s easy to be envious, but this can often lead to purely negative thinking (“They have more money than I do.”, “She runs faster than I do.”). Remember, there’s always someone who has it worse. Avoid negative comparisons with others, focusing instead on the positive. Studies suggest that complaining about one’s problems may be linked to depression and anxiety.^[25]

• Practicing gratitude in your daily life can be a great way to get out of the cycle of negative comparisons.^[26] Write letters thanking the people in your life or tell them in person. A focus on these positive elements in your life can dramatically increase your mood and feelings of well-being.^[27]
• Say “thank you” silently to yourself as soon as you wake up in the morning. While you don’t have to have anything to be grateful for, repeating this mantra will put you in a positive mindset.^[28]
• Consider keeping a gratitude journal. Research has found that men and women who wrote a few lines each week about things that had occurred recently that made them feel grateful tended to feel more optimistic and better about their lives overall.^[29]

Work on improving your perspective in 1 or 2 areas of your life. Pessimism often stems from feelings of helplessness or lack of control. Identify one or two key aspects that you’d like to change in your life and work on improving them. This will help restore your faith in your own power and ability to effect change in your daily life.^[30]

• See yourself as a cause, not an effect. Optimists are known for their tendency to believe that negative events or experiences can be overcome by their own effort and abilities.
• Start small. Don’t feel you have to take on everything at once.
• Positive thinking can lead to positive results. In one study, training male basketball players to attribute positive results—for example, making a free throw—to their ability and negative results to their lack of effort was found to significantly improve their subsequent performance.^[31]

Smile as often as you can. Studies have shown that putting a cheerful smile on your face can actually make you feel happier and more optimistic about the present and future.^[32]

• In one study, subjects who were asked to hold a pen in their mouth (causing them to make the facial muscle movements characteristic of a smile) rated cartoons to be funnier than other subjects did, even though they were unaware that it was only the smile that was boosting their reaction. Consciously changing the facial muscles to reflect a positive emotion sends a similar message to your brain, elevating your mood.^[33]