Source: Fawn Response: A Trauma Response + The Reason for People-Pleasing Behavior | Modern Intimacy

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by Dr. Kate Balestrieri | Dec 23, 2020 | RELATIONSHIPS, TRAUMA

When the going gets tough in your relationships, what is your gut reaction? Do you feel like you spend most of your time pleasing other people? Or do you have a hard time knowing how to meet your needs? Maybe you feel like you don’t see a fight response or flight response in yourself, but you notice one of the two lesser-known responses: the freeze and fawn responses.

You might be wondering, what exactly are the freeze and fawn responses? Two of the four trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn) that can stem from childhood trauma, and they both involve symptoms of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). A fawn response occurs when a person’s brain acts as if they unconsciously perceive a threat, and compels survival behavior that keeps them under the radar.

What is the Freeze Response?

This response is paralyzing. You are so overwhelmed by fear that your body stops.

You stop thinking, stop moving, and, in some cases, stop breathing.

Because your body stops, it is an unconscious act of dissociation with whatever is happening around you. This response is also associated with “shell shock” or basic post-traumatic reactions. If you have the “freeze” response early in life, you may be predisposed to experience freeze symptoms later in life.

What is the Fawn Response?

Different from the fight, flight and freeze responses, the fawn response points to people-pleasing.

Though people-pleasing is not the only manifestation of fawning, it tends to be the most evident sign.

Pete Walker was a pioneer in defining “fawning.” Walker says this response is developed in childhood to avoid mistreatment from adults.

Fawn responses can be any number of things but are nervous attempts to deflect attention. This can mean flattery, admission to toxic relationships, or complete destruction of personal boundaries.

People who fawn tend to deny their preferences and boundaries to make other people happy. They unconsciously believe that the price for relational security is compliance. They think that if they make others happy, they will be in less danger.

Do I Show the Fawn Response?

Sometimes those who show the fawn response don’t even know they are fawning, and they have likely experienced positive feedback from others in return, so it may not register as a problematic behavior.

Think you may fall into this category? Think back to any time conflict has come up. You can start by asking yourself these questions to find out:

Do I put my needs aside to make others feel better?
Do I feel empty in relationships after giving too much of myself?
Do I avoid conflict at all costs?
Do I feel everyone’s emotions all at once?
Do I think I am responsible for making everyone happy?
If you answered yes to more than two of these questions, it is likely your default is the fawn response.

Why Do I Have a Fawn Response?

There is not a short answer to why someone may show the fawn response. Generally, those that fawn are extremely empathetic and would rather take the emotional blow than someone else, the price of admission in relationships, and fawn types seek safety in interpersonal dynamics.

The most popular theory on fawning comes from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs.) These are events usually happen before the child is eighteen years old and can impair children for the rest of their lives.

Adverse Childhood Experiences can range from poverty to neglect to abuse at home. Continuances of these events can establish negative thought patterns early-on.

When our brains are still developing, we will do anything to avoid danger. The fawn response is to seek safety by merging with the perpetrator. So as children, we do what we are told, even if it isn’t what is right or good for us.

This response invokes strategies from “flight,” “flight,” and the “freeze” responses, so it is seen as the most adaptive reaction. Fawning requires knowledge of whomever is hurting you and skill to know how to appease them. It is often seen in people who endure narcissistic abuse.

Fawning is also sometimes associated with codependency. Both are emotional responses that are triggered by complex PTSD.

In both fawning and codependency, your brain thinks you will be left alone and helpless. The brain’s response is to then attach yourself to a person so they think they need you. This can lead to do things to make them happy to cause less of a threat to yourself.

Though, the threat is the variable in each scenario. In fawning, the threat could be social isolation, conflict with a loved one, or unhappiness. Codependency is generally paired with loneliness.

How Can I Help My Fawn Response?

Trauma affects everyone, not just the one experiencing the trauma.

It affects the one inflicting the trauma, the one affected by the event, and anyone who interacts with those people.

The fawn response is a great example of this since it involves submitting to what others want.

So, how can you begin healing from trauma?

Observe Yourself

One of the first things to do to stop fawning behaviors is to observe them.

Whenever you are triggered, think about these things:

Why am I fawning right now?
How am I experiencing fawning behaviors?
How do I feel right now?
What do I want to do right now, not how do I think I need to react?
Asking yourself these questions will begin to unlock the trauma-affected regions of your brain.

Therapy

A next possible step is to enroll in therapy appointments. Being able to share your trauma with a professional can help you process. Not only will you have a listener, but someone who can offer science-backed suggestions!

There are several different methods for healing trauma, including the Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) process. This system helps re-wire your brain, creating new neurological pathways that help you react to trauma when it comes up.

Taking stock of your fawning behaviors before going to therapy is good. You can fill your therapist in on the issues since they likely will not see your trauma responses themselves.

Many times, you learn about traumas you weren’t didn’t even know were affecting you.

Find a Safe Person

Aside from a therapist, find a person you can talk with about your recovery. This can be a friend or family member that can hold you accountable.

As you’re healing, they will ensure you continue taking steps to stop fawning behaviors. But, they will also be the first ones you call when you’re struggling!

Next Steps

If you are ready to face your fawn response, to improve your mental health, there are many steps you can take. Begin thinking on ways to stop your fawning behaviors and how to ask for help from trusted people. There is no need to be obsessive compulsive about it, though. The main thing to remember is that other people have benefited from your fawn response, so they may have reactions to your changes.

Don’t worry, you can open up little by little and practicing the art of saying no more readily. Grab a cute mug that promotes positivity and healing. Write something that describes how you’ve been feeling. Or, try a yoga class to deepen your mind-body connection.

Modern Intimacy is a group therapy practice, founded by renowned Psychologist and Sex Therapist, Dr. Kate Balestrieri. This inclusive blog is designed to provide a wealth of information and resources for mental health, relationships, and sexuality. Subscribe today to get the latest information from our expert contributors from all around the world.

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Source: What are the signs and symptoms of dissociation and dissociative disorder?

 

Overview

• If you dissociate you might have symptoms such as not feeling connected to your own body or developing different identities.
• Dissociative disorder is a mental illness that affects the way you think. You may have the symptoms of dissociation, without having a dissociative disorder. You may have the symptoms of dissociation as part of another mental illness.
• There are lots of different causes of dissociative disorders.
• You may get talking therapies for dissociative disorders.
• You may be given medication that may help with symptoms of dissociation and dissociative disorder.

About

What is dissociation?

Many people will experience dissociation at some point in their lives. Lots of different things can cause you to dissociate. For example, you might dissociate when you are very stressed, or after something traumatic has happened to you. You might also have symptoms of dissociation as part of another mental illness like anxiety.

Some of the symptoms of dissociation include the following.

• You may forget about certain time periods, events and personal information.
• Feeling disconnected from your own body.
• Feeling disconnected from the world around you.
• You might not have a sense of who you are.
• You may have clear multiple identities.
• You may feel little or no physical pain.

You might have these symptoms for as long as the event that triggered them, or for a short time afterwards. This is called an episode.

For some people these symptoms can last for much longer. If you have a dissociative disorder you might experience these symptoms for long episodes or even constantly.

Types

What are the different types of dissociative disorder?

There are different types of dissociative disorder. There is more information on each of these below.

It‘s important to remember that you could have the symptoms of dissociation without a dissociative disorder. There is also a lot of disagreement among professionals over dissociative disorders.

What is dissociative amnesia?

If you have dissociative amnesia you might not remember things that have happened to you. This may relate to a stressful or traumatic event, but doesn’t have to.

In severe cases you might struggle to remember:

• who you are,
• what happened to you, or
• how you felt at the time of the trauma.

This isn’t the same as simply forgetting something. It is a memory ‘lapse’. This means you can’t access the memory at that time, but they are also not permanently lost.

With dissociative amnesia you might still engage with other people, such as holding conversations. You might also still remember other things and live a normal life. But you might also have flashbacks, unpleasant thoughts or nightmares about the things you struggle to remember.

You may have dissociative amnesia with dissociative fugue. This is where someone with dissociative amnesia travels or wanders somewhere else, related to the things they can’t remember. You may or may not have travelled on purpose.

What is dissociative identity disorder (DID)?

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is sometimes called ‘Multiple Personality Disorder. But we have called it DID on this page.

If you have DID you might seem to have 2 or more different identities, called ‘alternate identities. These identities might take control at different times.

You might find that your behaviour changes depending on which identity has control. You might also have some difficulty remembering things that have happened as you switch between identities. Some people with DID are aware of their different identities, while others are not.

There is a lot of disagreement between researchers over the notion of DID.

We think of someone with DID as having different identities. But some researchers think that that these are actually different parts of one identity which aren’t working together properly.

They suggest that DID is caused by experiencing severe trauma over a long time in childhood. By experiencing trauma in childhood, you take on different identities and behaviours to protect yourself. As you grow up these behaviours become more fully formed until it looks like you have different identities. When in fact the different parts of your identity don’t work together properly.

What is other specified dissociative disorder?

With this diagnosis you might regularly have the symptoms of dissociation but not fit into any of the types.

A psychiatrist uses this diagnosis when they think the reason you dissociate is important.

The reasons they give include the following.

• You dissociate regularly and have done for a long time. You might dissociate in separate, regular episodes. Between these episodes you might not notice any changes.
• You have dissociation from coercion. This means someone else forced or persuaded you. For example, if you were brainwashed, or imprisoned for a long time.
• Your dissociation is acute. This means that your episode is short but severe. It might be because of one or more stressful events.
• You are in a dissociative trance. This means you have very little awareness of things happening around you. Or you might not respond to things and people around you because of trauma.

What is unspecified dissociative disorder?

This diagnosis is used where you dissociate but do not fit into a specific dissociative disorder.

Psychiatrists also use this diagnosis when they choose not to specify the reasons why you do not fit into a specific disorder.

Or if they don’t have enough information for a specific diagnosis. For example, after a first assessment in accident and emergency.

What are dissociative seizures?

Dissociative seizures are hard to get diagnosed. They are regularly wrongly diagnosed as epilepsy.

Dissociative disorders can also be known as non-epileptic attack disorder (NEAD).

It can be hard to tell the difference between a dissociative and epileptic seizure. An EEG can read epileptic seizures but can’t read dissociative seizures. An EEG is a test that detects electrical activity in your brain using small, metal discs attached to your scalp.

Dissociative seizures happen for psychological reasons not physical reasons.

What is depersonalisation/ derealisation disorder (DPDR)?

The feelings of depersonalisation and derealisation can be a symptom of other conditions. It has also been found among people with frontal lobe epilepsy and migraines.

But it can also be a disorder by itself. This means it is a ‘primary disorder’. There is some disagreement among professionals whether DPDR should be listed with the other dissociative disorders at all.

DPDR has some differences to other dissociative disorders. In DPDR you might not question your identity or have different identities at all. You may still be able to tell the difference between things around you. And there may be no symptoms of amnesia. Instead, with DPDR you might feel emotionally numb and questions what it feels like to live. We have explained this in more detail below.

You might have these feelings constantly rather than in episodes. It doesn’t have to have been caused by a traumatic or stressful event.

Many people think that this disorder might be more common than previously thought. This might be because of:

• a lack of information about it,
• patients who didn’t report their symptoms, and
• doctors who don’t know enough about it, meaning they underreport the condition.

With DPDR you might have symptoms of depersonalisation or derealisation or both.

Depersonalisation
With depersonalisation you might feel ‘cut off’ from yourself and your body, or like you are living in a dream. You may feel emotionally numb to memories and the things happening around you. It may feel like you are watching yourself live.

The experience of depersonalisation can be very difficult to put into words. You might say things like ‘I feel like I don’t exist anymore’ or ‘It’s as if I’m watching my life from behind glass’.

Derealisation
If you have derealisation you might feel cut off from the world around you. You might feel that things around you don’t feel real. Or they might seem foggy or lifeless.

Jane’s story

Jane started feeling the symptoms of depersonalisation after smoking cannabis. She felt like her eyes were fixed on parts of the room and that she was not connected to everything around her. She felt as if she was a spectator in her own life for many months, rather than actually living ‘in the moment’. It took Jane a long time to be diagnosed. To recover, she was helped to distract herself from the DPDR symptoms for long stretches with engaging activities. This then expanded into periods of time when she felt connected to the things around her again. Cognitivebehavioural therapy and mindfulness taught her to manage her anxiety and the distressing symptoms of DPDR.

Jane

Jane’s story

Causes

What causes dissociation?

There are different things that can cause you to dissociate. For example:

• traumatic events,
• difficult problems that cause stress, and
• difficult relationships.

Other researchers have suggested that the use of cannabis may sometimes be a cause of depersonalisation/ derealisation disorder (DPDR).

Treatment

How are dissociation and dissociative disorders treated?

Dissociation can be treated in lots of different ways. The type of treatment you get might depend on which type of disorder you have.

Can medications help?

At the moment, there are no medications for dissociative disorders themselves, although you may take medication for some symptoms.

If you have episodes of dissociation you might also have a condition such as depression or anxiety. Some medications could help with this. For example, antidepressants could be used for depressive symptoms and benzodiazepines for anxiety.

Benzodiazepines can be addictive and should be prescribed for a short period only. Benzodiazepines can make Dissociation worse.

You can find more information on:

• Antidepressants by clicking here.
• Benzodiazepines by clicking here.

What psychosocial treatments can help?

Talking therapies are usually recommended for dissociation. There are lots of different types of talking therapy. Different ones might be used for different dissociative disorders.

What is psychodynamic psychotherapy?
If you have DID, then your doctors may think about long-term relationally psychotherapy. This is a type of therapy where you talk about your relationships and thoughts. You might talk about your past. Your therapist can link the ways you think and act with things that have happened to you.

For DID, psychotherapy might be needed for a long time, with at least 1 session every week. This will depend on individual’s situations and on their ability and level to function, resources, support and motivation.

What is eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR)?
DID may also be helped by eye-movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR). In EMDR you make side-to-side eye movements while talking about the trauma that happened.

Doctors must be careful when using EMDR because it could make your DID worse if not done properly. But EMDR can have benefits when it is used along with other treatment. The type of EMDR used for DID is slightly different to other conditions. So, it is important that your doctor knows about your DID before you start EMDR.

What is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)?
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is another type of talking therapy. You will talk about the way your thoughts and feelings affect you. And how your behaviours may make this worse. You focus less on the past and try to change the way you think and behave.

Parts of CBT are recommended to treat DID, by helping you to change your thoughts and behaviours that come from the trauma.

A CBT approach has also been suggested for long-lasting DPDR. If you have DPDR you might often worry about your symptoms and think you have a serious mental illness or that something is wrong with your brain. CBT may help to change this way of thinking. By reducing your anxiety and depression that comes with this worrying, it may also reduce your symptoms of DPDR.

You can find more information about ‘Talking therapies’ by clicking here.

What treatment should I be offered?

In the UK, the National Institute of Health and Care Excellence (NICE) publish guidelines on physical and mental health conditions. These guidelines are a standard for NHS treatment. At the time of writing, there are no NICE guidelines on dissociation or dissociative disorders.

But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be offered treatment. If you think you are having any of these symptoms, then explain this to your GP. They may refer you to a psychiatrist.

You can find more about ‘GPs – What to expect from your doctor’ by clicking here.

What if I am not happy with my treatment?

If you aren’t happy with your treatment you can:

• ask for a second opinion,
• ask an advocate to help you speak to your doctor,
• contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS), or
• make a complaint.

There is more information about these options below:

How do I ask for a second opinion?

If you aren’t happy with your diagnosis or treatment, speak to your doctor. If they don’t offer you any other treatment options, you can ask for a second opinion. This is where another doctor will assess you and suggest diagnoses or treatment. You don’t have a legal right to a second opinion, but your doctor might agree to one.

What is advocacy?

An advocate can help you understand your rights to treatment from the NHS. They can also help you be fully involved in decisions about your care. An advocate is separate from the NHS.

You can search online to see if there are any local advocacy services in your area. Or the Rethink Mental Illness Advice Service could search for you. You can find their details at the bottom of this page.

What is the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS)?

The Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) at your NHS trust can try and help you with any problems or issues you have. You can find your local PALS’ details at: www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Patient-advice-and-liaison-services-(PALS)/LocationSearch/363.

How can I make a complaint?

If you aren’t happy with the way you have been treated, you can make a complaint. You have to make a complaint about the NHS within 12 months of what you want to complain about.

You can find more information about:

• Second Opinions by clicking here.
• Advocacy by clicking here.
• Complaints about the NHS or Social services by clicking here.

Self care & risks

What are self-care and management skills?

You can learn to manage your symptoms by looking after yourself at home. You will learn how to notice when you are becoming unwell and know what your triggers are.

Not all of the techniques here will work for everyone. It is important to try something that you enjoy and that you can commit to and that works for you.

Keeping a diary

You might find it helpful to keep a diary. You could write about how you felt over the day. Or you could write down goals that you want to achieve. You could use it as part of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

Keeping a diary isn’t for everyone. If you have depersonalisation/derealisation disorder (DPDR) you might already spend a lot of time thinking about how other people see you. A diary may make you feel worse if it forces you to think about yourself. A diary can still help but talk to your GP or a counsellor first.

Grounding techniques

These techniques can be helpful for people who have been through trauma or who regularly dissociate. They can help to ‘ground’ you in the here and now. This may help when experiencing flashbacks.

Grounding works best when it is practiced regularly. Try practicing these things every day. There are different types of grounding techniques.

Using your surroundings
To use your surroundings, look around yourself. Focus on all the details of everything that is around you. Try describing this to yourself either out loud or silently in your head. Use all of your senses.

Using words
You could try positive words or phrases about yourself. For example, ‘I am strong’ or ‘I will succeed’. Write down a few things that are meaningful and positive for you. You could carry these around with you. Try reading them to yourself or aloud if your symptoms are bad.

Using images
This is similar to using your surroundings. Try thinking of a place that you feel peaceful and safe. This can be a real or imaginary place. If it is a real place, choose somewhere that is positive with no traumatic memories. Shut your eyes and imagine that place. Focus on all of the details and all of your senses.

Using posture
Try moving into a posture that makes you feel strong. This could be standing up with your shoulders back or relaxing your shoulders. Try different postures until you find one that works for you.

Using objects
Try choosing an object that is personal to you. You should try and pick something that only has positive memories attached to it. Carry it around with you and use it to remind yourself of who you are and where you are.

Relaxation

There are lots of different ways to relax. The important thing is to find something you enjoy doing. For example, cooking, reading or gardening. You might find that meditation or mindfulness helps.

Some relaxation techniques such as meditation and mindfulness may make some people feel worse. For example, if you have DPDR you might struggle with meditation. If this is the case, try and find something else that works for you. If you have CBT, you could tell the therapist. They could help you find something that works.

Exercise and diet

There are no specific exercises that can definitely help. But you could try jogging, swimming or just trying to walk more and something that suits your ability. Trying to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables can help. You could also try to reduce the amount of fat, salt and sugar you eat. Reducing the amount of caffeine, you drink can be helpful.

Sleep

If you don’t sleep enough your symptoms might feel worse. It can take a few weeks for you to get into better sleep habits. Here are some tips for helping you sleep.

• Sleep when you feel sleepy.
• Keep your bedroom as a place for only sleeping.
• If you are lying awake in bed for a long period, get up and move around for a while.
• Avoid taking naps during the day.
• Try not to have caffeine for a few hours before you go to bed.
• Make sure you get up at the same time every day. This can help you get into a regular routine.

You can find more information about ‘Complementary and alternative treatments’ by clicking here.

What risks and complications can dissociation cause?

Some people with a dissociative disorder may also have another mental health condition, such as anxiety or depression. This is called a ‘comorbid’ condition. In some cases, this can make your dissociative disorder harder in day to day life. However, all these conditions are manageable and treatable.

You can find more information on:

• Depression by clicking here.
• Anxiety Disorders by clicking here.

Carers, friends & family

What if I am a carer, friend or relative?

What support can I get?

If you are a carer, friend or family member of someone living with a dissociative disorder you can get support.

You can get peer support through carer support groups. You can search for local groups in your area on the following websites:

• Rethink Mental Illness: www.rethink.org
• Carers: Carers UK: www.carersuk.org
• Carers Trust: www.carers.org

If you need more practical support, you can ask your local authority for a carer’s assessment. You might be able to get support from your local authority.

As a carer you should be involved in decisions about your relative’s care planning. But you can only be involved if your relative agrees to this. If they don’t agree, their healthcare professionals can’t share information about them with you.

You can find out more information about:

• Carer’s assessment and support planning by clicking here.
• Confidentiality and information sharing – For carers, friends and relatives by clicking here.
• Benefits for carers by clicking here.

How can I supporting the person I care for?

You might find it easier to support someone with a dissociative disorder if you understand their symptoms, treatments and self-care options. You can use this to support and encourage them to get help and stay well.

You should also be aware of what you can do if you are worried about their mental state. Keep the details of their mental health team or GP handy and discuss a crisis plan with them.

You can find out more information about:

• Supporting someone with a mental illness by clicking here.
• Getting help in a crisis by clicking here.
• Suicidal thoughts – How to support someone by clicking here.
• Responding to unusual behavior by clicking here.

Further reading & Useful contacts

 

Caroline Spring
Online training on dissociation and Dissociative Identity Disorder, webinars and literature.

Website: www.carolynspring.com/

Clinic for Dissociative Studies
This organisation has lots of information on dissociative disorders on their website. They also provide care and treatment for dissociative disorders. They can accept referrals from the NHS. They offer general information about dissociative disorders but do not run a helpline.

Telephone: 020 7794 1655
Address: 35 Tottenham Lane, London, United Kingdom, N8 9BD
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.clinicds.co.uk

South London and Maudsley Trauma and Dissocation Service
A specialist outpatient assessment, consultation and treatment service. It’s for adults who are experiencing psychological difficulties following trauma and/or dissociative disorders. The only NHS specialist service offering treatment for people presenting with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and severe dissociative disorders. Referrals are accepted from GPs and senior clinicians. All referrals have to be approved and funded by the local clinical commissioning group (CCG).

Phone: 020 3228 2969
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.slam.nhs.uk/national-services/adult-services/trauma-and-dissociation-service

 

Source: Dissociative Experiences Scale

 A Screening Test for Dissociative Identity Disorder

CounsellingResource Research Staff

This 28-question self-test has been developed as a screening test for Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.

Completing this Psychological Screening Test

This questionnaire consists of twenty-eight questions about experiences that you may have in your daily life and asks how often you have these experiences. It is important, however, that your answers show how often these experiences happen to you when you are not under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

To answer the questions, please determine to what degree the experience described in the question applies to you and choose the button which corresponds to the percentage of the time you have the experience. The left of the scale, labelled ‘Never’, corresponds to 0% of the time, while the right of the scale, labelled ‘Always’, corresponds to 100% of the time; the range covers 0% to 100% in 10% increments.

Take the Quiz

Please note: This test will only be scored correctly if you answer each one of the questions. Please also check our disclaimer on psychological testing and our psychological testing privacy guarantee.

Try Online Counseling: Get Personally Matched

About Scoring this Psychological Questionnaire

When your quiz is scored, one of two different information pages will appear to describe the results for scores in your range, along with further details of how your score was computed. Roughly speaking, the higher the score, the more likely a diagnosis of a dissociative disorder.

This screening test for Dissociative Identity Disorder is scored by totalling the percentage answered for each question (from 0% to 100%) and then dividing by 28: this yields a score in the range of 0 to 100.

Generally speaking, the higher the DES score, the more likely it is that the person has DID. In a sample of 1,051 clinical subjects, however, only 17% of those scoring above 30 on the DES actually had DID.

The DES is not a diagnostic instrument. It is a screening instrument. High scores on the DES do not prove that a person has a dissociative disorder; they only suggest that clinical assessment for dissociation is warranted. People experiencing DID do sometimes have low scores, so a low score does not rule out DID. In fact, given that in most studies the average DES score for a DID person is in the 40s, with a standard deviation of about 20, roughly 15% of clinically diagnosed DID patients score below 20 on the DES.

The figure shown below plots DES scores (horizontal scale) versus the number of subjects (vertical scale) from a sample of 1055 people. For further information about the DES, its validity and scoring, please visit the Ross Institute.

Additional Information

About EMDR Therapy

Home / About EMDR Therapy

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an extensively researched, effective psychotherapy method proven to help people recover from trauma and other distressing life experiences, including PTSD, anxiety, depression, and panic disorders.

The American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, the U.S. Dept. of Veterans Affairs/Dept. of Defense, The Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, and the World Health Organization among many other national and international organizations recognize EMDR therapy as an effective treatment. More specific information on treatment guidelines can be found on our EMDR and PTSD page.

How is EMDR therapy different from other therapies?

EMDR therapy does not require talking in detail about the distressing issue or
completing homework between sessions. EMDR therapy, rather than focusing on changing the
emotions, thoughts, or behaviors resulting from the distressing issue, allows the brain to
resume its natural healing process.

EMDR therapy is designed to resolve unprocessed traumatic memories in the brain. For
many clients, EMDR therapy can be completed in fewer sessions than other
psychotherapies.

How does EMDR therapy affect the brain?

Our brains have a natural way to recover from traumatic memories and events. This process involves communication between the amygdala (the alarm signal for stressful events), the hippocampus (which assists with learning, including memories about safety and danger), and the prefrontal cortex (which analyzes and controls behavior and emotion). While many times traumatic experiences can be managed and resolved spontaneously, they may not be processed without help.

Stress responses are part of our natural fight, flight, or freeze instincts. When distress from a disturbing event remains, the upsetting images, thoughts, and emotions may create feelings of overwhelm, of being back in that moment, or of being “frozen in time.” EMDR therapy helps the brain process these memories, and allows normal healing to resume. The experience is still remembered, but the fight, flight, or freeze response from the original event is resolved.

Who can benefit from EMDR therapy?

EMDR therapy helps children and adults of all ages. Therapists use EMDR therapy to address a wide range of challenges:

• Anxiety, panic attacks, and phobias
• Chronic Illness and medical issues
• Depression and bipolar disorders
• Dissociative disorders

• Eating disorders
• Grief and loss
• Pain
• Performance anxiety
• Personality disorders
• PTSD and other trauma and stress-related issues

• Sexual assault
• Sleep disturbance
• Substance abuse and addiction
• Violence and abuse

Can EMDR therapy be done without a trained EMDR therapist?

EMDR therapy is a mental health intervention. As such, it should only be offered by properly trained and licensed mental health clinicians. EMDRIA does not condone or support indiscriminate uses of EMDR therapy such as “do-it-yourself” virtual therapy.

Experiencing EMDR Therapy

After the therapist and client agree that EMDR therapy is a good fit, the client will work through the eight phases of EMDR therapy with their therapist.

Attention will be given to a negative image, belief, and body feeling related to this event, and then to a positive belief that would indicate the issue was resolved.

A typical EMDR therapy session lasts from 60-90 minutes. EMDR therapy may be used within a standard talking therapy, as an adjunctive therapy with a separate therapist, or as a treatment all by itself.

Learn more about Experiencing EMDR Therapy

EMDR Therapy is a Recognized Effective Treatment for PTSD

Anyone can experience intense trauma. EMDR therapy is widely considered one of the best treatments for post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and it has been endorsed as an effective therapy by many organizations.

Learn more about EMDR therapy for PTSD

Source: Complex PTSD Symptoms And Treatment | Betterhelp

By: Darby Faubion

Updated January 08, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Melinda Santa

If you or someone you love is currentlyaffected by Complex PTSD, it can feel like you don’t know what else to do.  You might feel stuck or alone in your struggle. No matter what you’re experiencing right now or in the past, there are tools to help you move forward to a life that feels lighter, happier, and healthier. The fact that you’re here right now looking for answer is a great indicator that hope is not lost. Taking the courageous step to investigate and pursue treatment for managing your symptoms is a victory.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a trauma-based mental illness. It manifests in many ways and can look very different. Often it causes severe anxiety around certain triggers, a sense of jumpiness, distressing nightmares, and persistent feelings and symptoms of distress. Anyone who has experienced, witnessed or repeatedly been exposed to details of atraumatic event may develop PTSD in response. In particular, individuals who have experienced repeated or ongoing trauma may be at risk for developing Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).

While PTSD may develop after a single incident, C-PTSD is a group of complex symptoms that result from long-term traumatic events. Examples of ongoing trauma include long-term physical or sexual abuse, ongoing domestic violence, being a prisoner of war, or being a victim of commercial sexual abuse, including trafficking or prostitution. C-PTSD is thought to be more severe in those who experienced traumatic events for a long time, at a young age, were alone in the experience, or the experience was enacted by a caregiver, especially one they are still in contact with.

In this article, we’ll look closer at the symptoms, which bear similarity to the symptoms of PTSD, and treatment for Complex PTSD.

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Source: unsplash.com

Symptoms of C-PTSD

Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder usually encompasses the following PTSD symptoms:

• Avoidance
  • Avoiding places, people, or situations that remind someone of the traumatizing event(s)
  • Avoiding thoughts, memories, and feelings of the traumatizing event(s)
• Re-experiencing
  • Nightmares of the traumatizing event(s)
  • Distressing flashbacks of the traumatizing events(s)
  • Frightening thoughts about the traumatizing event
• Mood and Cognition
  • Distorted or misplaced thoughts of guilt or blame
  • Negative thoughts about the world or oneself, including a sense of hopelessness or worthlessness.
  • Loss of interest in hobbies and activities
  • Problems remembering specific events relating to or surrounding the period of trauma
• Arousal and Reactivity
  • Sleeping problems, including waking early, insomnia, and oversleeping
  • Feeling stressed, on edge, or irritable
  • Feeling jumpy or startlingeasily
  • Experiencing outbursts of anger

Source: pexels.com

In addition to the list above, people suffering from C-PTSD may also experience the following symptoms:

• Difficulty relating to others
  • An ongoing search for a rescuer
  • Distrust of others
  • Isolating oneself from relationships, even close ones
  • Avoiding close relationships altogether
• Difficulty regulating emotions
  • Outbursts of anger
  • Persistent sadness and depression
  • Suicidal thoughts. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, reach out for help immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255.
• Cognitive difficulties
  • Problems with memory (forgetting traumatic events or details surrounding them)
  • Feeling disassociated or detached from emotions and their sense of self
  • Reliving traumatic events persistently
• Difficulty with self-perception
  • Perceiving oneself as guilty and unworthy of help
  • An overwhelming sense of shame
  • Perceiving themselves as helpless
  • Feeling different from others
• Preoccupation with the perpetrator/perpetrators
  • Preoccupation with revenge
  • Preoccupation with one’s relationship to the perpetrator
  • Attributing power to the perpetrator
• Damage to one’s belief system
  • Lack of faith
  • Inability to feel hopeful
  • Overwhelming feelings of despair

Because children and teenagers do not have the same coping mechanisms as adults, the symptoms they exhibit after prolonged traumatic events may be a little bit different. For example, children who are six years old or younger may also experience the following symptoms:

• Bedwetting after they have learned to use the toilet
• Acting out the traumatic event while playing
• Loss of speech
• Clinging to a parent or other adult; fear of being separated from them

Older children and teens experience many of the same symptoms as adults, although sometimes also experience the following symptoms of C-PTSD:

• Disrespectful or destructive behavior
• Misplaced guilt over not being able to prevent death or injury
• Feelings of or a preoccupation with revenge

Previous Article

Do You Suffer From Survivor’s Guilt?

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Common Treatments For PTSD Nightmares

The Butterfly Hug is a form of bilateral stimulation that can be used as a grounding technique.The process is simple and can be done in any situation. It can help bring you back to the present moment and calm your emotional state.

8. I am thankful that my life is filled with wonderful things.

A total transformation in attitude begins with gratitude. When we are grateful for every wonderful thing in life, we are able to feel more fulfilled.

You’ll find yourself growing in self esteem when you understand how blessed you are.

9. My thoughts are positive, healthy, and loving. These thoughts eventually become my life experiences.

We are the only ones that have total control over our thoughts. So, it is essential that we choose to entertain thoughts that are filled with love and positivity.

10. I am a solution-maker. I am driven to see every problem as an opportunity for growth.

Life isn’t easy, but in the grand scheme of things, there is no problem that we can’t solve. Whether we find a solution that works out or doesn’t work, every moment gives us the chance to learn more about ourselves and the world.

11. Though I may be a single person, I’m not alone. I am always supported by the universe in ways I see and do not see.

Though at times we may feel alone, the universe is always rooting us on. Though the universe is often working in mysterious ways, it is always working towards our good.

12. I have a past but I’m not my past. I live in each moment so I can enjoy life to the fullest.

We all have good and bad in our past. Choosing to embrace every moment that we have is an important part in moving on from our past and truly being in the moment.

13. I am constantly changing and can grow into whomever and whatever I want.

We all are growing into the person we were always meant to become. Though other people may try to influence us to grow in certain ways, only we are in control of who we want to be.

14. I am the only person responsible for deciding what to do with my life.

Our lot in life is our choice–no one can tell us any different. We must do what makes us happy and what brings us joy.

15. When I choose to prioritize myself and my desires, I am not selfish for doing so.

Self care is all about recognizing our own needs. Doing this is the only way we can bring joy to other people’s lives. For this reason, taking care of ourselves should be our highest priority.

16. I have a choice with each moment to choose positivity or negativity. I always choose positivity, no matter what is happening in my life.

We don’t have to have negative experiences, thoughts, or mindsets. By recognizing the choices we make in each moment, we can transform our lives to be filled with positivity.

17. I am a flexible person that enjoys new experiences and meeting new people.

Life is all about charging into the unknown confidently and unafraid. We all have a certain flexibility and strength inside us that allows us to enjoy new experiences.

18. I am a strong person and I am always aware of this. I always choose to walk in confidence.

We must never let anyone diminish our strength. We are stronger than we know and must always be aware of this.

Best Practices for Living Out Daily Affirmations

To make the most of these affirmations, we must make a habit of living them out through the following means:

1. Write Out Negative Thoughts

We all have negative thoughts every now and then. To counteract these thoughts, it helps to make a list with all our negative qualities. This list can include any criticisms that other people have spoken over us. Oftentimes, we hold all this negativity inside without realizing it.

During this part, we must remember that we all have flaws. It is our responsibility to never hold onto these negative things. Instead we must let them go.

2. Counter Each Negative Point with an Affirmation

Now that we have a list of negative qualities and self-judgements, it’s time to counter them with the positive affirmations. The above affirmations are a great source of inspiration for the kind of statements we must use to overcome any negativity.

For example, a negative criticism like “I never do anything right” should be countered with the statement “I am capable of achieving everything I put my mind to.”

The more confident and self-assured the affirmations, the better.

3. Repeat the Affirmations Each Day

The real shift in thinking comes when repeating the affirmations becomes second nature. Start by scheduling time to repeat each affirmation at least three times each day.

The best time to repeat these affirmations is in the mirror. That way, the affirmations will really sink in as we say them directly to ourselves.

In addition to repeating these affirmations, writing them out is also helpful. Writing these words over and over in a mindfulness journal will help us to keep them in mind.

4. Anchor Every Affirmation

Every affirmation should be “anchored” to a specific place in the body. When we read these aloud, we must place our hands over the area that was referenced in the initial negative statement.

Similarly, we can anchor the affirmations by “breathing” into them. Every time we say an affirmation, we must breathe in the positivity and exhale the negativity.

5. Ask a Friend to Repeat the Affirmations

Boost your self esteem by asking a trusted friend or family member to speak these affirmations to you. This will have a profound effect on your psyche. Simply having someone speak this positivity over you is a powerful act.

Final Thoughts on Positive Affirmations

Using positive affirmations in our daily lives allows us to completely transform our state of mind, mood, and our goals in life. To really harness the power of positive affirmations, it is important for us to undo the damage caused by negative beliefs. By using positive affirmations to counteract these thoughts, we are working to create an entirely new reality for ourselves.

This mindfulness practice allows for a total revolution in self esteem. While we can’t escape negative things in life, we can change how we react to things and how we treat ourselves. By choosing positivity, we are on the way to becoming the best versions of ourselves and living the life we’ve always wanted.

Source: I was abused as a child. Should I tell my mother? | Family | The Guardian

We both agreed that you need to put yourself at the centre of anything you do next. I can understand you wanting to talk to your mother, but I am not sure if she is the best person for you to speak to right now. Stubley wanted you to be very sure – or as sure as you can be – of what you do from now on, so you are not motivated by revenge or anger, or even wanting to save anyone else. This is important because you need to be careful not to repeat what happened to you before: people not noticing, not listening, not protecting you. If that were to happen again, then it may take you right back to what happened when you were a child.

In terms of remembering the blanks, it’s imperative you do this in a place where you are psychologically “held” (safe), because remembering “requires you to feel the pain of what happened and grieve for what you lost”, says Stubley. If you are able to do some work to address the fallout it may help you feel that you have more choices about what kind of life you now want, and that you’re not stuck in this awful trauma.

There are some links below, but start with your GP. Surgeries vary hugely, but are a good place to start looking for some therapeutic help.

napac.org.uk; bacp.co.uk

https://www.mentalhelp.net/abuse/long-term-effects-of-bullying/

You know how jokes are often funny because they are based in an ugly truth? I had a new realization of that phenomena while watching Bill Maher’s new stand-up comedy special “The Decider” on HBO the other night. Bill was talking about various recent sexual abuse scandals and was comparing the complaints made against Michael Jackson to complaints made against various Catholic priests with the aim of suggesting that what Michael allegedly did to his victims was gentle compared to the treatment received by victims of the priests. Seemingly out of nowhere, he started talking about a time when he was a child and was rather viciously beaten up during an incident of playground bullying. As part of his punchline, he commented that he would have gladly subjected himself to the worst abuse Michael has been accused of perpetrating rather than having to endure that single beating.

The comment resonated with me, probably because like Bill, I too was bullied as a kid, and also found the experience to be pretty ugly. I don’t think I’d ever choose to subject myself to Michael’s ministrations in order to have escaped my own bullying experiences (you gotta have standards in life), but I know I would have given a lot to have been able to stop them from happening.

The bullying I was subjected to did not occur on the playground, but rather on the school bus. I can vividly recall days when I would have to launch myself out of the school bus door and run as fast as I could up the hill to the shelter of my house. A group of older neighborhood boys would be after me for reasons that were never entirely clear. I was younger, more sensitive, certainly more vulnerable and not talented at fist fighting. Most days I’d make it home safely , but some days I’d end up belly up on the grass trying to fend off blows and kicks while a ring of kids jeered and cheered that day’s aggressor. A blow to the head and you’d see stars like in the cartoons.

I’m 40 years old now; it’s been something like 30 years since that sort of thing last happened. Still, the experience has not left me, it sucked so much. I don’t think about it much these days, but I know that having lived through those experiences has shaped me as an adult, and not for the better.

The experience of getting your face smashed in by bullies (or taunted by them, or pushed, or shoved, or excluded, etc. ) has got to be an almost universal sort of thing; something that many others who have endured similar experiences can perhaps recognize and respond to. In this spirit, I offer my self-disclosure (and hijack Bill’s) as seed for discussion.

There are lots of programs designed to help schools and other institutions prevent bullying. It’s kind of a hot topic these days in a small sort of way. Hopefully the things that researchers have and will come up will help limit the scope of the problem in the future. However, I’m quite confident that it will never go away entirely. It seems to me that bullying is just one of those things that are just a part of human nature. Something that can be suppressed but not eliminated.

Where I want to go with this essay is not to talk about how to make bullying stop, but rather, to explore the sorts of damage bullies do to their victims, and to discuss a few paths through which some of that damage can be, at least in part, undone.

Bullying is Abuse

Here’s a few statements to get us started: 1) Bullying is a form of abuse, and 2) Bullying is a narcissistic sort of act. In making the first statement here, I mean to say that both bullying and traditional forms of abuse are selfish and/or sadistic, destructive, and often violent acts perpetrated upon victims who do not in any way, shape or form deserve to be treated in that manner. In making the second statement I’m suggesting that ring-leader bullies (those who organize bullying) are behaving as though the emotional and physical health of their victims is not important or is at least less important than their own desire for the thrill of aggression and dominance. Narcissists treat other people as though they were objects either to be used, or discarded, and the bully both uses his victim (for purposes of self-gratification and aggrandizement) and then discards him.

Now, children are fairly narcissistic by their very nature. Children are not born appreciating that other people are actually just like they are with their own needs and independent rights. A long period of development must occur before children grasp that the other people around them have needs and interests just like they do and need to be accommodated and accorded respect. The golden rule of treating others as you would yourself like to be treated makes no sense to a young child who has not yet matured to the point where this basic appreciation of the individuality of every person has been grasped. Instead, children need to be held in line with what amount to incentives (and sometimes punishments) for acting as though other people matter. So by saying that bullying is a narcissistic action, I’m not at all saying that all bullies are narcissists. Adult bullies who have not outgrown their childhood narcissism probably do qualify, but little kids are just going to be that way. This is why I’m not terribly optimistic that we can solve the problem of bullying in our time.

Bullying Causes Long-Term Emotional Damage

The experience of being bullied can end up causing lasting damage to victims. This is both self-evident, and also supported by an increasing body of research. It is not necessary to be physically harmed in order to suffer lasting harm. Words and gestures are quite enough. In fact, the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never harm me” is more or less exactly backwards. For the most part, physical damage sustained in a fist fight heals readily, especially damage that is sustained during the resilient childhood years. What is far more difficult to mend is the primary wound that bullying victims suffer which is damage to their self-concepts; to their identities. Bullying is an attempt to instill fear and self-loathing. Being the repetitive target of bullying damages your ability to view yourself as a desirable, capable and effective individual.

There are two ugly outcomes that stem from learning to view yourself as a less than desirable, incapable individual. The first ugly outcome is that it becomes more likely that you will become increasingly susceptible to becoming depressed and/or angry and/or bitter. Being bullied teaches you that you are undesirable, that you are not safe in the world, and (when it is dished out by forces that are physically superior to yourself) that you are relatively powerless to defend yourself. When you are forced, again and again, to contemplate your relative lack of control over the bullying process, you are being set up for Learned Helplessness (e.g., where you come to believe that you can’t do anything to change your ugly situation even if that isn’t true), which in turn sets you up for hopelessness and depression.

At the same time, you may be learning that you are helpless and hopeless, you are also learning how you are seen by bullies, which is to say, you are learning that you are seen by others as weak, pathetic, and a loser. And, by virtue of the way that identity tends to work, you are being set up to believe that these things the bullies are saying about you are true.

It would be great if the average person was possessed of unshakable self-confidence, but this just isn’t how identity works. Identity is a social process. Other people contribute to it. Particularly when people are young and have not yet survived a few of life’s trials, it is difficult for people to know who they are and what they are made of. Much of what passes for identity in the young (and in the older too) is actually a kind of other-confidence, which is to say that many people’s self-confidence is continually shored up by those around them telling them in both overt and subtle ways that they are good, worthy people. This is one of the reasons people like to belong to groups – it helps them to feel good about themselves. Bullying teaches people that they are explicitly not part of groups; that they are outcasts and outsiders. It is hard to doubt the reality of being an outcast and an outsider when you have been beaten or otherwise publicly humiliated. It takes an exceptionally confident (or otherwise well-supported) person to not internalize bullies’ negative messages and begin bullying yourself by holding yourself to the same standards that bullies are applying to you and finding yourself a failure. In other words, it is rather easy for bullying victims to note that they have been beaten up and then to start thinking of themselves as weak, no-good, worthless, pathetic, and incompetent. These are the sorts of thoughts that lead to depression, or, if they are combined with revenge fantasies, to anger and rage feelings.

Where the first ugly outcome of bullying unfolds rather immediately in the form of a wounded self-concept, the second ugly outcome unfolds more slowly over time. Having a wounded self-concept makes it harder for you to believe in yourself, and when you have difficulty believing in yourself, you will tend to have a harder time persevering through difficult situations and challenging circumstances. Deficits in academic performance can easily occur when bullying victims succumb to depression or otherwise become demoralized. They certainly also occur when victims ditch school to avoid bullies. The deficits themselves are not the real issue. The real issue is that if deficits occur for too long or become too pronounced, the affected children can lose out on opportunities for advancement and further study, and ultimately, employment. I’ve read retrospective studies where people report having left school early so as to avoid continued bullying, and this of course will have altered and limited the job prospects they have available to them as adults. Leaving school may be a dramatic (if occasionally realistic) example of how early bullying can affect one’s life, but there are surely other ways that anger or depression caused by bullying harms and developmentally delays people’s progress.

Inevitably, it is the sensitive kids who get singled out for teasing; the kids who cry easily; the easy targets. Targeted as they are, many sensitive kids learn to think of their sensitivity as a bad thing and to avoid it, and/or channel it into revenge fantasy and anger. This doesn’t much work when you are a kid (it is difficult to reinvent yourself without actually moving to a new place), and it can have negative consequences in adulthood when the same children, now emotionally avoidant or angry or cynical adults, find themselves having difficulty entering into or maintaining loving and warm intimate relationships.

A similar form of damage comes when bullied kids internalize negative attitudes concerning aspects of themselves that set them apart from others, such as their sexual orientation, minority group membership, or religious affiliation. In such cases, bullying sets up a peer pressure to reject aspects of one’s self which are fundamentally not rejectable, and thus a potentially lifelong tension gets set up inside that person. If anyone out there has a better idea for how someone can end up become a homosexual-hating homosexual, or a jew-hating jewish person or other seemingly self-contradictory person I’d like to know about it.

The following list, culled from my reading on this subject, summarizes some of the effects bullying victims may experience:

In the short term:

• Anger
• Depression
• Anxious avoidance of settings in which bullying may occur.
• Greater incidence of illness
• Lower grades than non-bullied peers
• Suicidal thoughts and feelings (In one British retrospective bullying experiences survey I came across (of unknown scientific value), 20% of the sample attempted suicide secondary to having been bullied, whereas only 3% of participants who were not bullied attempted suicide).

In the long term:

• Reduced occupational opportunities
• Lingering feelings of anger and bitterness, desire for revenge.
• Difficulty trusting people
• Interpersonal difficulties, including fear and avoidance of new social situations
• Increased tendency to be a loner
• Perception of self as easy to victimize, overly sensitive, and thin-skinned
• Self-esteem problems (don’t think well of self)
• Increased incidence of continued bullying and victimization

A few interesting observations of factors that seem to lessen the negative impact that bullying has on people have come to my attention during the process of cataloging the ways that bullying can mess you up. For instance:

Perception of Control

A 2004 Spanish college student sample study suggests that there is a direct relationship between victim’s perception of control over their bullying experience and the extent of long term difficulties they experience as a result of bullying. This is to say, that bullied students who believed they were able to influence and/or escape their bullies reported fewer negative long term effects from having been bullied than did students who felt helpless to influence their situation while it was happening. Perception of control (and not reality of control) was key in this study, as no relationship was found between the various ways that students coped with being bullied and how they turned out.

I can see the outline of a mechanism working here (where students who believed they still had control over their situations avoided developing learned helplessness and therefore had less of a chance of experiencing depression). However the study doesn’t really help us to know what to recommend that people do to lessen their chances of long term problems. Remember, it didn’t matter what the students actually did; it only mattered what they believed.

If we go with the idea that believing you have control over events is important then the thing to do if you are being bullied is to keep persevering in your efforts to stop the bullying as though those efforts will result in your being able to get the bullying to stop. No single thing you do may actually stop the bullying from happening, but the effect of continually working under the assumption that you haven’t tried all options and may still get the bullying to stop may do the trick. And, of course, you might actually get the bullying to stop because of something you do or don’t do.

Rather than try to control the past (which is impossible), it might make more sense for hurting victims to get themselves to focus on what they can control in the present, for the benefit of their future happiness and fulfillment. As the poet George Herbert’s classic phrase wisely advises us, “living well is the best revenge”.

Early Exposure

The age at which kids are first bullied seems to be important according to some research. Young children who are first bullied during their pre-teen years appear to be less negatively impacted in the long term than are children who are first bullied as teens. People first bullied as young children report experiencing higher long-term stress levels than do people who were never bullied. However, people who were first bullied as teens report more long term social withdrawal and more reactivity to violence than other groups. There is a greater tendency towards the use of self-destructive coping mechanisms in the first-bullied-as-teens group, and an interesting but hard to make sense of sex difference, where women tend to become more aggressive as a result of their bullying experience, and men to demonstrate a greater tendency to abuse substances. I can’t help but wonder if the increased independence and emancipation that teens enjoy makes them more likely to experiment with and then get locked into maladaptive coping strategies like substance abuse than their younger peers.

Social Support

Finally, multiple researchers point to the protective effect that a good social support network has with regard to bully victim’s short and long term outcomes. Having supportive family members and peers around who can be confided in when one has been bullied and who can offer support and advice tends to lessen bullying’s impact.

There are a number of reasons why it makes sense that a supportive social network should help, but one of them deserves to be made explicit. Namely, that when a bullying victim is surrounded by and bought into a supportive social network, they are receiving many positive messages about their worth from network members, and there are thus fewer opportunities for bullies’ negative messages to find purchase and grow to take over self-esteem. If bullies can only succeed in harming people physically; if they do not succeed in harming them emotionally or harming their identities, then relatively little lasting damage can be done.

Undoing the Damage

If the primary damage that bullying causes is damage to identity and self-esteem, then taking steps to repair identity and self-esteem are in order for people looking to heal from past bullying experiences. What needs to heal, in most cases, is not the physical body, but rather, identity and self-concept. Bullied people need to learn how to feel safe again in the world (or safe enough). They need to learn that they are acceptable people who have something to offer other people. They need to feel in more control over their moods and urges. They need to feel again that if they set their mind to something that they can hope to accomplish it. These are not modest goals, by any chance, but they are the sorts of things that bullying victims need to think about working on.

I’ll refer people to our topic centers on Depression and Anger Management for ideas about how these problems can be treated. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is likely to be of particular utility with regard to depression and anger that is secondary to having been bullied because mood problems that have originated in this way are very likely to have come into being as a result of victims having become convinced that they are worthless and incompetent. In the language of cognitive behavioral therapy, these would be thought of as dysfunctional core beliefs which could be addressed and repudiated using cognitive restructuring techniques that encourage people to closely examine such beliefs and dispute them when they are found to contain exaggerations and distortions (which these sorts of beliefs surely will).

Social withdrawal problems and social anxiety also can be very profitably addressed within the context of cognitive therapy. One of the really nice things about a therapy setting is that role playing can take place between therapist and patient so as to provide anxious patients with opportunity to practice and improve how they will interact in feared but desired social situations. When basic social fears and skill deficits have been addressed, it should become easier for socially withdrawn people to find the connections they need to finally feel fundamentally accepted by others.

I typically hate the overused word “empowered”, but I’m going to use it here, because it really fits here. People who have been bullied have been fundamentally dis-empowered. Their feelings of personal safety have been violated and their belief in their own competency and adequacy has been brought into question. Such people may exist in a state of perpetual avoidance and paralysis. In order to feel good about themselves, they will need to break through that paralysis and engage in something that helps them feel like they are gaining in power. Not power over others, but power over themselves. No other people can do this for them. Each paralyzed person has to decide to empower themselves.

There are a million avenues one can go in to fulfill an empowerment goal, the one that is right for any given person being a function of that person’s talents and opportunities. Anger can be productively funneled into a competitive endeavor (such as education, business, sports, gaming or some other means of becoming excellent) or a creative expression. Fears can be faced down and courage can be found. I, as author of this essay, cannot offer specifics on how this can be accomplished as the right path for each person will be individual, but I can say that it is more or less as simple as picking out a goal you desire to accomplish (which will assert yourself) and then deciding to make it happen. As with any self-improvement goal, it is good to start small, and to dissect larger goals into their smallest possible elements, so that each step you take on the way to a big goal is manageable. You can read more about this process in our Psychological Self-Tools self-help book.

I’ll end here with an appeal for comments and contributions. Have I missed anything important with regard to being bullied, in your opinion and experience? What are your own experiences with having been bullied? How has bullying shaped your life, for better or for worse? What are the problems that you developed as a result of having been bullied, and how have you managed to address them? What messages can you give to young people who are being bullied today. What would you have done differently if you could do it over? The more people who contribute to this essay, the more useful of a resource it can become.

Source: Do our eyes hold the secret to treating some mental illness? Ottawa researchers tout unique psychotherapy | Ottawa Citizen

An unconventional eye-movement therapy that can treat everything from chronic pain to PTSD is pushing the boundaries of psychotherapy in unexpected directions. Andrew Duffy reports on the growing number of therapists and researchers in Ottawa and beyond using EMDR.

Author of the article:

Andrew Duffy

Publishing date:

Feb 25, 2021  •  4 days ago  •  10 minute read  •  Join the conversation

Article content

When he first read about a new psychotherapy that used eye movement to help alleviate patients’ trauma, psychologist Philippe Gauvreau was deeply skeptical.

The field was beset by pseudoscientific fads, and he was convinced Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) was just another one. The therapy combines exposure therapy with guided eye movements: Typically, a patient is asked to track a therapist’s hand while thinking about a traumatic event.

Ottawa COVID-19 Update: Vaccine appointment booking newly available to eligible Ottawans

Proponents insisted EMDR could change the way difficult memories were stored in the brain, making them easier to manage for those with post-traumatic stress.

“Like many, many, many psychologists, I went, ‘What is this BS?’ This is a bunch of hooey,” remembers Gauvreau, a practitioner in the Outaouais.

He became so exercised by EMDR’s entry into the field of psychotherapy that he resolved to train in the technique so he could more knowledgably dismantle it as a treatment. In October 2000, he enrolled in an EMDR course in Ottawa – and changed his mind.

Article content

“I just fell in love with the approach,” he says.

For the past 20 years, Gauvreau has employed EMDR in hospitals and at his private practice in Maniwaki. He has qualified as an EMDR trainer, led more than 30 training sessions, chaired Canada’s annual conference for EMDR, and researched EMDR’s ability to treat anxiety.

He’s now among a growing number of therapists and researchers exploring EMDR’s use on everything from chronic pain to depression to addiction. EMDR has also inspired new eye-involved treatments – variants such as Brainspotting, Flash Technique and EMDR 2.0 – that are pushing the frontiers of psychotherapy in new directions.

“In psychiatry, we had been focused for so long in the mind that we’d forgotten the body,” says University of Ottawa psychiatry professor Dr. Jeanne Talbot, who also holds a doctorate in neuroscience.

EMDR and its offshoots ask clients to be aware of what’s going on in their bodies at the same time that they’re thinking about a traumatic incident. Talbot, who has trained in Brainspotting, has seen clients experience pronounced physical reactions during treatment sessions.

“We have to be cautious because we’re all burned out psychiatrists and this is a difficult field, but when it works, Brainspotting is like psychodynamic therapy on speed,” she says, referring to a more traditional and holistic psychotherapy.

Finding an effective treatment for trauma is a central pursuit of psychotherapy research since unresolved trauma is at the root of so many mental illnesses and addictions. “That stuff from the past we haven’t been able to get over, that stuff feeds our current situation,” says Gauvreau.

So how does it work? EMDR’s eight-phases are designed to prepare a client for the therapy and help them process the memories and emotions it elicits.

Before the therapy, a clinician will evaluate a client, offer some self-calming techniques, and identify a distressing memory along with the negativity that goes with it. For example, if someone was in a serious car crash, the individual might say something like, “I don’t feel safe.” The therapist will offer an alternative idea to replace it such as, “I’m a survivor.”

In the critical “desensitization” phase — the only one that involves eye movement — a client is asked to concentrate on the traumatic memory and its negative consequences while following the therapist’s hand as it moves back and forth across their field of vision. (Sometimes, a moving light or object is used to induce eye movement. In her research with blind patients, Shapiro found that hand taps and noises could produce similarly effective “bilateral stimulation.”)

Dr. Andrew Burr, a clinical psychologist at The Ottawa Anxiety and Trauma Clinic, says he uses EMDR for a wide range of trauma-related issues, including child abuse, sexual assault, bullying, infidelity and divorce. He studied the approach after hearing colleagues talk about its ability to reach “a new level of healing.”

“Once I started using EMDR,” he says, “I found that I could see my clients experiencing, live in session, changes to the way they felt about memories that had long upset them.”

Many feel a release of emotion, he says, and a wave of relief. Clients often tell him that the disturbing memory seems further away, less vivid, “more in the past.”

“There is almost a sense of disbelief at times when the client feels calmer and less bothered by an issue — and can’t really explain what changed except that it feels different,” says Burr, who holds a PhD in clinical psychology.

Clinical social worker Anne Bailliu has been using EMDR to treat traumatized former soldiers and RCMP officers since 2009 at The Royal’s Operational Stress Injury Clinic.

Bailliu says she assesses each client to understand what therapy might work best for them. Soldiers, she says, tend to respond well to prolonged exposure therapy since it’s better known and more structured than EMDR.

“EMDR can sound airy-fairy to them,” she says.

In her experience, Bailliu says, the therapy works best with clients who have a repressed memory or one that they’re reluctant to talk about. “EMDR is a method to be able to access disturbing or upsetting memories that are unresolved,” she says. “But the person doesn’t have to talk about them, so for some clients that’s very appealing.”

The therapy can produce strong physical and emotional reactions: “It can be quite cathartic for some people,” she says.

Why does it work? That question remains an intriguing mystery. EMDR’s inventor, the late Dr. Francine Shapiro, theorized that the therapy took advantage of the same mechanisms involved in rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. Research has shown that REM sleep is important to the healthy consolidation of memories.

Dr. Andrew Holmes, chief of the Laboratory of Behavioral and Genomic Neuroscience at the National Institutes of Health, said the study “provides a plausible neurobiological explanation” for the effects of EMDR. “At the very least,” he wrote in Nature, “this gives us a tractable foundation for further studies of this enigmatic behavioral therapy.”

The success of EMDR has inspired a number of spinoffs, including Brainspotting, a technique with a large Ottawa following.

Three uOttawa assistant professors have been qualified to teach Brainspotting, which requires clients to identify a point in their visual field, a brainspot, where a memory or emotion is particularly vivid. Two of those psychiatrists, Dr. Jane Evans and Dr. Marjorie Robb, have trained 325 mental health workers in the Ottawa region, including more than 25 psychiatrists, during the past three years.

“The most unlikely psychiatrists are coming and asking, ‘What is this?’” says Prof. Jeanne Talbot, who is also trained to teach Brainspotting but is concentrating her efforts on research. She contends Ottawa may have more therapists trained in Brainspotting than any other city in the world.

Dr. Talbot was deeply skeptical when first introduced to Brainspotting by her friend, Dr. Evans. She talked about it so much that one night, at a bar, Talbot demanded to see the therapy in action. Her friend invited Talbot to think about something that was deeply upsetting, so Talbot thought about the recent election of U.S. president Donald Trump.

https://positivepsychology.com/comfort-zone/

About the Author

Dr. Oliver is a doctor and writer based in London, holding an integrated medical and psychology degree from University College London. Oliver has worked in several inpatient Psychiatry settings after qualifying. He believes in the intentional cultivation of values and strengths-based approaches to promoting wellbeing. Oliver aims to motivate and inspire people to recognize their potential and act on goals congruent with their authentic self.

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